lenten traditions

So for Lent I decided to give up drinking. This was a bit spur of the moment as I discovered Ash Wednesday on Ash Wednesday. But I decided I would do my best to give up all alcohol including all Korean ones as well. This I knew, would be a big test of my character and persistance. And it has been, and I have one more week and half a weekend to go. When I made the decision I had a few thoughts in mind of how I would learn from this season of abstinence, but its actually been a lot more revealing than i thought originally. so i thought i would share about it since this is my blog, and i need to quit avoiding the issues that are really on my heart.

so when i began this endeavor here is what i thought i would learn:
1. how often i really do drink

well, i knew was slightly unbelievable. it has saturated our time together in so many ways. and so by not drinking, its really changed my view on what to spend my time doing

2.how much money i spend on drinking

this is not quite so bad considering how cheap drinking in korea is...

3. how people view you if you don't drink

this was kind of shocking, not with my miguk friends, because i expected that and you go between people - oh come on! just have a drink! and the others, ok thats cool. but it was harder with my korean friends. i think probably the reason for that was my attitude for it, i didnt want to explain why or talk about it. i just wanted to not drink and have that be ok. but its so cultural that if you dont have a shot with them, its like...what? so that was harder for me as i jumped into the culture with a cultural drinking attitude which slowly mutated and transformed.

4. my attitude toward drinking

this is where i really began to discover things i had forgotten over time. Lately ive been reminded of how i said its ok to drink but not get drunken. (during high school before entering the drinking culture of 21.) oh its easy, you know, just drink slowly so you are participating and part of it, but no one feels left out and you dont get drunk.
granted ive attempted to draw new lines on what it means to be drunk and buzzed and the excuse- oh, i was just so tired, i didnt really drink that much.i wasnt drunk.

i got to the point where i liked the feeling of being drunk and dancing around. these habits i think i gathered in my first experiences here and never really thought about them since then. which leads me to my next revelation

5. Drinking makes it easier

this i never thought would occur - but it did. i have found myself drinking to get along better with other people. these people - my own friends! in general to make it easier to start and contiue conversations. when i drink- as many other people - the first thing that occurs is the laugh. it comes easily and frequently perhaps for things that just aren't that funny.

how long ive been using alcohol to be lazy in my relations with other people!

do you know why we haven't filmed a funny video in a long time? because we are always drinking. our minds are soak in liquid and lazy. i always praised myself on the fact that i dont need to drink to be fun or goofy and yet i have found myself looking forward to it as a way to become more fun and goofy! ahhh!

it kind of makes me laugh inside when i choose not to drink and i can hear and feel the awkwardness because when you drink you just relax and say whatever. I watch my coworkers change from quiet people to loud swearing laughing fun people. i'm not syaing whether this is good or bad. its just an observation. and when you don't drink you become keenly aware of it.

for me it makes me want to work harder. i used to be a good conversationalist - enjoying trying to find a topic of conversation that can include the most amount of people as possible and last longer than a yes or no question. with drinking its easier, but not drinking...well thats the challenge.