6 months and going strong!

so it has been 6 months...hard to believe. at this moment in time i am doing great! but its been a rocky road especially the past 2 months. my time here started out wonderful...fantastic! and granted it hasn't really changed, but attitudes always change, i suppose. i was told when i arrived here that the 3 month mark is when you get homesick. well for me i think it was more like the 5 month mark. i just remember one day it all hit, like a wall. and even though vacation was a blessing and just fantastic in itself, it gave me time to think and thinking causes problems. and pretty much since vacation i wake up everyday and feel something different. i mean mainly in terms of staying or going. one day i think that i would never want to go back to the states and the next day i think...yeah i could head home now. and not that i want to go home. OH NO! :) its not home i miss at all. its just the job. im not a teacher. i have no desire to be a teacher longterm or even longshortterm - does that make sense? its so nice to be with the kids, who really are wonderful! actually everyone is wonderful. but its hard work. it takes a lot of energy and time to do it well. and well, i guess i didn't really expect that. hahahaha...or im just tired of it. hehehe

so i just want to clarify that korea is amazing and wonderful....its just this particular type of work that doesn't quite light the depth of my soul on fire. but its a great job as well. so take this all with a grain of salt! :)

im seeing a big transition this month as well as many more of my university friends make their way here - which was their intention long before i had even thought about coming to korea. i stole their idea. now nesbitt, christopher marshall, big mike, carolyn and ryan are all here living. car and ry live pretty much on my street! its crazy! cool and different. it does take transition to think in the way that i do have people who know me here. crazy!

rugby...its gotta be the new love of my life. im not even kidding. i love being out in the freakin hot, running around, hitting boys and trying to figure out how to throw a rugby ball and be all tough at the same time! i simply love it!!!! great stress reliever...and so much fun and so interesting. just great. im pretty much in love with it, though i need to not kill myself. i leave practice and i am just so shot everywhere on my body! but its so nice. :)

what else what else....life is good. im sorry this is such a crappy 6 month evaluation. but at least its getting done. and thanks to my good friend minwoo i saw both the east and west coast this summer, as well as the south at busan. so i hit up most of the beaches here. amazing! maybe i could teach a year at busan...... :)

just kidding, if i stay in korea i will stay at my current hagwon - i can't remember how to spell that word!!!!!..., i really do love it.

i just finished reading "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austen and she talks about one of the main characters - Henry. Henry starts out as a player and then in the middle of the book tries to clean himself up as he falls in love with Fanny who is like the queen of righteous living. so he tries to impress her and she keeps refusing him. well during this process of him attempting to court her he ends up running away with a married woman.
now, amber teacher, what does this have to do with you? well Austen describes him as a divided man and he could have been that nice clean boy he was trying to be but he ended up resorting to his bad ways and running off with the woman. i feel divided like that. ( i still don't know if this connection makes any sense.....) not between such serious matters, but like in terms of staying in korea. like i could TOTALLY stay here and play rugby, teach, make friends, do crazy korean things, travel to nearby countries. and another part of me could go home and try to get on with my life's passion.....


the only problem is that i dont know what that is.

when i envision my life and i get excited about it - i see myself living in a ghetto of sorts. probably the wrong word because im not that hardcore. but i want to live in a poor neighborhood and bring it out - make it a community or help the community! thats what i see. and i like it. and i want it. but how? why? i dont know. thats the problem. alas, i await patiently to see the future unfold!

so, as my students say, amber teacher, how are you?
i'm incredible!

and i hope you are the same.