moon worship

so here are some random thoughts and events:

-tonight i was running down by the river (yes i stepped out of my van for some exercise) and i saw this guy on a bike totally wipe out. like it looked bad! and there were 5 koreans standing around him and nobody said a thing to him. i contemplated just ignoring what i saw - even though i totally had that open mouth surprised face on - but as i jogged by i stopped and said "are you ok?" - in korean (i can't spell it) and he said yes he was fine. so then i spent some more time contemplating the event. i have to admit none of the koreans who were standing near by rubbernecked the fallen bike man. so i guess that is better, if you aren't going to ask if they are ok or help them then better not stare at them. and then i wonder if maybe this is part of saving face, you just ignore it like it didn't happen and it is less embarrassing. maybe i just really embarrassed him...hmmmm....im miguk saram. cheosong hamnida. (im american, im sorry)

-this morning one of my students came up to me and starts sputtering off in korean telling me i guess something about one kid cutting his finger or one kid cutting another kids finger and so i have my surprise face on as i am trying to decipher what exactly he is trying to tell me and then Sun, this hilarious kid runs up and says "OH MY GOD!" in perfect korean style with his shoulders shrugged and hands in the air. i just about rolled on the ground! it was the funniest thing!

-is it weird that im starting to think words are not so important. i mean we use them simply to convey ideas and if i can convey an idea without using words do words really matter? especially in the sense of cursing and telling people "i love you" i have come to find that phrases that i would never say or use in america freely flow from my lips such as "i love you" and sorry for the faint of heart "oh my god!" i never use it as a curse to God Himself. but rather i use it because i hear it so much and to me it unites me with my korean friends here and those in america. to me its a unifier rather than curse. plus i said oh my gosh before that. whats the difference really? should just stick with the "shitaki mushrooms" or "barnacles". but i never thought anything of it until my newly arrived friend called me on it. hmmm, live in korea for awhile. but he is a bit more against cursing in general. which i have not been raised in that manner. ;) but rather have chose it for myself...most of the time :)

-and i want to thank my athletic family and every woman in America who has fought for girls sports. both here and in costa rica i found an instant bond with my host fathers through sport. teaching american football in costa rica and playing soccer and basketball here with Mr. Bae. its just a unifier and it rocks! and even better we were outside playing at my directors apartment and his wife joined us!!! she came out and played soccer in high heels! and she was awesome! come to find out, she was a student athlete! she did the long jump! soooo coool! this soon lead to a soccer game against 4 10 year old boys as they all watched me shooting and yelled at me, "Where are you from?" "You good soccer play!" So Mr Bae invited them to join us and we had a fun game of 3 on 4. it was so much fun. can i say i felt like home? i loved kids again at that moment. i think i really like kids but i like kids to play with not to teach. hahha or at least not intentionally. :)

-and we went to this pension (guesthouse) this weekend and i really felt like i was at home! i had been close to there with mr bae and its all mountains and rivers. so great! but at the pension i took a nap outside in the afternoon in the sun then i walked around in the GRASS barefoot and shot the basketball for a bit. and then rode bikes for a bit. there was a pond and lots of christmas lights. it made me feel lik i was at home during the summer time. ahhhhhhh. thank God for that. it was beautiful. and i hope all yall who are home, and have a yard with grass and trees, that you go outside and enjoy it. after you get home from work, take off your shoes and take a little walk- just stand in the grass. its a beautiful thing.

-so i know im not soo good at keeping in touch but know that honestly i think of you much more than i write. :)


always, your amber

notes from my teaching log

so i just keep a record of what happens in my classes for my own sake, no one else. and here is a review of my morning from today.....

well my first class of the day was rabbit class - the youngest kids at the school. always a tough act. well we sang some songs and the whole time harry - this one tiny kid with a serious mullet - kept running up and hitting me. i dont know maliciously maybe just for attention. but i would be talking and he would just run up to me and hit me and then run and sit back down. then of course about 3 other kids would follow suit. so i told him, STOP and SIT DOWN! very meanly i might add. well it would just be totally sporatic. im finishing class - i start singing the goodbye song and all of a sudden he just runs up to me and starts pounding on me with both fists....i was like, Oh my God? what are you doing!?!? so i grab him and he immediately lets his legs go out from under him and i grab his chair and drag them both to the corner and attempt to put him in it. granted this is while classes are changing so somehow in the middle of this yanny teacher sees from the window what is happening and jumps in to help me get harry in his seat not knowing why i am putting him there. then rabbit teacher returns and i am still in shock and all the kids are rattling off in korean their version of the story. needless to say this story ends with harry crying and saying im sorry amber teacher as rabbit teacher holds her cell phone out in front of him threatening to call his mom. i leave in shock.
at lunch time when we return to rabbit class to grab some food kevin one of the other kids (who just apologized to me last week for hitting me) says that harry apologized so are you still angry? no its ok. i mean even harry was smiling at me and waving to me. so either he's psychotic and was like messing with my head and really wants to kill me or he has no idea about anything. maybe i watch too much law and order svu ....in this case i was definitely more shocked then anything else...what brought this on? maybe im naive but i dont think it was malicious just wacky. maybe its the weather...

well after rabbit tiger class goes great. then lion class. which was going very well...until we tried to line up to go back to lion class. aurora has broken her finger and has a metal cast on her pinky with some athletic tape. well i dont know what happened....i told them to line up so of course they all run and aurora falls down and terry trips over her becuase he is running and her cast comes off her finger and she starts wailing! so i scoop her up and run to the lion teacher...ohmygod! why? why? so i think lion could tell from my face that i was just like in shock...and shes like, amber its ok...its ok. as i watch her rewrap the finger. she even tells aurora - tell amber teacher, im ok.

but is amber teacher ok?

and just to add on to all this last week one of the rabbit kids while "dancing " to one of my songs - which in that class dance means run around like your rabid - either he got punched or fell but he ended up with a black eye. how the hell does this happen in my class? and if anyone wants to say its due to my teaching....welll



shut up.

6 months and going strong!

so it has been 6 months...hard to believe. at this moment in time i am doing great! but its been a rocky road especially the past 2 months. my time here started out wonderful...fantastic! and granted it hasn't really changed, but attitudes always change, i suppose. i was told when i arrived here that the 3 month mark is when you get homesick. well for me i think it was more like the 5 month mark. i just remember one day it all hit, like a wall. and even though vacation was a blessing and just fantastic in itself, it gave me time to think and thinking causes problems. and pretty much since vacation i wake up everyday and feel something different. i mean mainly in terms of staying or going. one day i think that i would never want to go back to the states and the next day i think...yeah i could head home now. and not that i want to go home. OH NO! :) its not home i miss at all. its just the job. im not a teacher. i have no desire to be a teacher longterm or even longshortterm - does that make sense? its so nice to be with the kids, who really are wonderful! actually everyone is wonderful. but its hard work. it takes a lot of energy and time to do it well. and well, i guess i didn't really expect that. hahahaha...or im just tired of it. hehehe

so i just want to clarify that korea is amazing and wonderful....its just this particular type of work that doesn't quite light the depth of my soul on fire. but its a great job as well. so take this all with a grain of salt! :)

im seeing a big transition this month as well as many more of my university friends make their way here - which was their intention long before i had even thought about coming to korea. i stole their idea. now nesbitt, christopher marshall, big mike, carolyn and ryan are all here living. car and ry live pretty much on my street! its crazy! cool and different. it does take transition to think in the way that i do have people who know me here. crazy!

rugby...its gotta be the new love of my life. im not even kidding. i love being out in the freakin hot, running around, hitting boys and trying to figure out how to throw a rugby ball and be all tough at the same time! i simply love it!!!! great stress reliever...and so much fun and so interesting. just great. im pretty much in love with it, though i need to not kill myself. i leave practice and i am just so shot everywhere on my body! but its so nice. :)

what else what else....life is good. im sorry this is such a crappy 6 month evaluation. but at least its getting done. and thanks to my good friend minwoo i saw both the east and west coast this summer, as well as the south at busan. so i hit up most of the beaches here. amazing! maybe i could teach a year at busan...... :)

just kidding, if i stay in korea i will stay at my current hagwon - i can't remember how to spell that word!!!!!..., i really do love it.

i just finished reading "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austen and she talks about one of the main characters - Henry. Henry starts out as a player and then in the middle of the book tries to clean himself up as he falls in love with Fanny who is like the queen of righteous living. so he tries to impress her and she keeps refusing him. well during this process of him attempting to court her he ends up running away with a married woman.
now, amber teacher, what does this have to do with you? well Austen describes him as a divided man and he could have been that nice clean boy he was trying to be but he ended up resorting to his bad ways and running off with the woman. i feel divided like that. ( i still don't know if this connection makes any sense.....) not between such serious matters, but like in terms of staying in korea. like i could TOTALLY stay here and play rugby, teach, make friends, do crazy korean things, travel to nearby countries. and another part of me could go home and try to get on with my life's passion.....


the only problem is that i dont know what that is.

when i envision my life and i get excited about it - i see myself living in a ghetto of sorts. probably the wrong word because im not that hardcore. but i want to live in a poor neighborhood and bring it out - make it a community or help the community! thats what i see. and i like it. and i want it. but how? why? i dont know. thats the problem. alas, i await patiently to see the future unfold!

so, as my students say, amber teacher, how are you?
i'm incredible!

and i hope you are the same.