honestly part 2

by the way...ew. whats been the hardest/most frustrating part of the experience thus far?

hmm, well the other day i went to this coffee shop which has the menu in english and korean which confuses me bc im like, do they speak english but i think its only the menu is in english. so yanny told me its easy to understand me because i speak clearly so just making sure i speak clearly i said "peach ice tea." for ordering, and i thought, maybe i sounded condescending but i dont know. i wasn't trying to. but the waitress like kept repeating what i said and saying korean. and she wasn't just like telling her friend what drink to make me. i couldn't tell if she was making fun of me or thinking i was a jerk - bc i know there are jerks everywhere. so i was really confused and i dont know what made me think she was making fun of me. bc as i thought about it, i dont understand 97% of what is said around me, so it would be very easy for me to think, oh they are making fun of me. so you know what, i have to fight that thought. nip it in the bud. if they are making fun of me, well, i dont understand it. so who cares? hahaha.

which maybe the reason i was so sensitive is because i read in one of my travel books like no one goes out by themselves in korea. which is true - but im not korean. but that stupid statement makes me so mad everytime i go out becuase im like, im all alone ppl will think im stupid and dont have any friends! but you know what, other peopel are alone too. so i just have to work that out for myself. but it is kind of frustrating bc i always think that, and really, what the heck. i can go out by myself. its ok. its just not like america where you will often see people by themselves. not usually the case here. and the couples are everywhereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yikes!

not being understood....

listening without hearing
lost in translation

these are both eloquent ways to say the simple, yet for me not even recognized problems. i only know of one person - yanny who i feel comfortable starting a conversation with bc i know she knows enough english to understand what i am saying. my other friend jason is kind of like that but not as well. most of the korean friends i have i understand what they are saying just fine so i usually just let them start the conversation and ill respond accordingly, leading to awkward silences and me not really talking too much, which i dont think is a bad thing. but there have been a few times when i have felt like, ok, i can really respond! so ill go on a rant or try to explain what i want to do with my life...and then the person i am talking to with simply say, uh huh and talk about something else. or just uh huh. and i think to myself, if you understood what i just said you would respond differently....or if you did understand what i said you should respond differently or you dont care what im talking about. so it took me awhile to realize this is a frustration of mine. hahhaa. actually took talking to my sister lacie on the internet when i thought it was my mom. i was so stoked and i was about to go into this situation that i needed some help with and i realized wait, this is lacie who is a 12 year old who would rather tell me about a bunny she found outside. and i was frustrated! and i was like, wait a minute, this is how i feel all the time! haha, well not all the time, but the times i do try and open up and make a connection. granted, keep in mind at this point i still have no foreign friends to speak of. only koreans who speak english. again i do not complain, i am just saying. and ive only been here a month. so goes it.

and i think that correlates with wanting to relax and just be a big dork and not worry if i will make friends or if it translates. to know that people like me for me and not because im a foreigner who can help them with their english.

i get frustrated by people staring at me, which is funny bc i was used to it in africa and didn't mind. i guess my thinking is like, hey there are othe foreigners here, why are you staring at me? and if you are going to stare, then smile back at me when i smile at you. but really i dont think there are many foreigners in my district bc one guy i met last nigh was like, i think ive seen you around before. ive heard that quite a bit but i didn't know if that was because all foreigners look the same...but this guy is american. so that should tell you either i have a really memorable face or there are no other foriegners. :)